Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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