There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
