Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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