I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
