I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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