smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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