I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
