Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
