oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
