did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
