either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
