why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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