I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
