I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
