no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
