He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
