Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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