it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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