I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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