um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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