if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
