i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's blow job season.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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