It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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