I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
