its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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