I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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