you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
