I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
