At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
