it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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