so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
