Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
