let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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