I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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