Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
