This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I still have a little drunk in my system
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
