Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
