I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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