i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
