Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
