Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
