problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still have a little drunk in my system
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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