do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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