Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
