feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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