the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I didn't notice because vodka
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
