friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
