sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize