During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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