We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
