Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
