i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
