$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Shame - the story of my life.
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