Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
