Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
