i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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