you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
