Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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