I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
