I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
sex in a hospital.. check
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
