I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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