these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
