she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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