THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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